Falling short journal excerpt

Dear Indie:
            I do realize that this is some real bullshiz that I put myself through.  I go to class and I get work done. Most of the time I do rather well. Sometimes I do truly wonder what would happen if I rather than cross this line that I have pushed unto myself  fall short of it, of the expectation. I believe that that is what truly scares me: the expectation.
            I strive to do well for myself, I truly do. I also strive for my parents and my brothers who didn't get to finish. I strive mostly for my little sister. I don't really know if she still looks up to me like she did when we were little but regardless of that she still has a image of me. Whether that image is good or bad it is there. If I were to fall short of this line that I hold worlds above myself what would she think? Can I afford to let her down? If I fail will she still look up to me will that childhood image of the older sister disappear?
           I strive for my father's half of my family as well. No Moore has graduated yet and I am supposed to be the first. What if I let them down? Yeah they still have 3 other children to go through but that mar in my image is gone.
           To fall short of the line would be to destroy part of myself that many people want to see in me. And honestly I am not too entirely sure that I wont fall. Until I do I'll have to keep striving and hoping and praying that I never fall short.

                                                Reality'sDaydreamer